Fox Hollow Trail

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Trail Description
DISTANCE 1 mile ish.
PARKING Once you pay the jack-booted government nerd ranger 12 bucks, loads of parking.
SPF 8, but you'll sweat it all off anyway.
CHANCE OF INJURY May pull a hammie chasing Leprechauns.
WEIRD SMELLS Dead Leprecuan.
TIME 45 minutes.
FEATURES Tiny dams, cemeteries, bathtubs, and rock houses.
ANIMALS No foxes, that's for sure.
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS Larry the Cable Guy's aunt Filthy.
DOG SHIT None. Leprechauns eat dogs you know.
ANYTHING ELSE? Angry German tourists trying to sweep up the place.
Driving Directions
First: Fly to Washington D.C. Second: Rent a car and sit for 9 hours in shitty D.C. traffic. Third: Drive west on the 66 in shitty Virginia traffic. Fourth: Take the 340 south until you hit shitty Front Royal traffic. Fifth: After Front Royal turn left into Shenandoah National Forest. Now pay the ranger in the stupid hat $12. Sixth: Crive for 5 miles and enjoy about 10 dollars worth of views. Seventh: Park at the Dicky Ridge Visitors Center. Eighth: Take a well deserved leak.
Hiking Directions
There is no sign for the Fox hollow trail at the visitors center. But look 200 yards across the street. See that Forest Service info board with the wooden roof? Well obviously that's it. From there, you kind of amble through the field towards the edge of the woods. Quit bitchin' that the trail sucks so far, at least you're not in D.C. The Dicky Ridge trail coincides with Fox Hollow for a while but you want off of that as soon as possible. As the locals say, "Get of 'The Dick' as soon as you can!" In case you are traveling with a dead person, there is a convenient cemetery, but be warned, you must bring your own shovel. The Fox Hollow loop has rocks and trees and no foxes or hollows. Should have been called Rocks and Trees Trail.
The Story
Before the American Indians were released into the woods by L. Ron Hubbard's personal space machine in 1436, the land was filled with Leprechauns and foxes. They fought epic Tolkien scale battles. It was on this site in 333 BC that the Leprechaun king single handedly killed 800 foxes with his shilleghli. And yes, shilleghli is leprechaun for penis.