When Jim Falkenstein discovered gravity 3 days before Mister Issac Newton, he thought it was a coincidence. But when he also discovered America 1 month before Christopher Columbus and the Atom Bomb 2 weeks before Robert Oppenheimer, he knew that space monkeys were stealing his thoughts and giving them to famous people.
That is why he hikes the trails. Everyone know that space monkeys hate trails. Jim likes to hike around and think of things that haven’t yet happened. Some might call it “making things up,” but he thinks of it as, “remembering things differently.”
When Jim isn’t hiking he likes to dig holes in his yard and scream at his clothes.
Years before he could walk…6 years in fact…Cooper was making plans to host a hiking-centric web site. Which is remarkable given that this would have been sometime in the very early ’60′s. Cooper was a visionary to say the least. Did I say “was”? I meant may be. Still.
Taking a cue from his mentor and erstwhile Foxtrot partner Dick Cheney, Cooper’s exact whereabouts (yes, it is one word) have been unknown for the last twelve years. Recent sightings of the man known as Coop, Cooper, El jefe, Preacher, The Crimson Fart, Smog Machine, Wailing Natty and a host of other aliases, range from the Teacup Ride at Disneyland to center ice at the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Like Sasquatch, Cooper is hard to find and even harder to photograph clearly. But, on the off-chance you should happen to spy the big man, approach him quietly, with no sudden movements and let him know his dry-cleaning ready.