Charmlee Wilderness Park Trail
Trail Description
DISTANCE 1 to 5 Miles (many options)
ELEVATION GAIN 200'
PARKING $4 and decent - or - free and dangerous
SPF 15 30 - 40
CHANCE OF INJURY None, unless "scratchy shins" is an injury to you.
WEIRD SMELLS A strange "Fresh Ocean Air' thing that made us dizzy.
TIME 1 to 4 hours
FEATURES beauty, tranquility, magic, fairy dust, and of course a hangman's tree.
ANIMALS unicorns, bluebirds (talking), Squirrels (talking), butterflies (non-talking), lizards (lounging), deadly buzzards.
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS Hasselhoff, Pam Anderson's Lips, Tommy Lee's Junk - bring your binoculars!
DOG SHITNone, but plenty of hairballs (talking)
ANYTHING ELSE? Leave your allergies at home.
DISTANCE 1 to 5 Miles (many options)
ELEVATION GAIN 200'
PARKING $4 and decent - or - free and dangerous
SPF 15 30 - 40
CHANCE OF INJURY None, unless "scratchy shins" is an injury to you.
WEIRD SMELLS A strange "Fresh Ocean Air' thing that made us dizzy.
TIME 1 to 4 hours
FEATURES beauty, tranquility, magic, fairy dust, and of course a hangman's tree.
ANIMALS unicorns, bluebirds (talking), Squirrels (talking), butterflies (non-talking), lizards (lounging), deadly buzzards.
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS Hasselhoff, Pam Anderson's Lips, Tommy Lee's Junk - bring your binoculars!
DOG SHITNone, but plenty of hairballs (talking)
ANYTHING ELSE? Leave your allergies at home.
Directions
DRIVING DIRETIONS:
Hey, make it a day. Come up the coast on PCH and pass through The City of Malibu (even though I'm not sure where the 'city' part is) pass Kanan Dune Road and Zuma Beach and turn right on Encinal Canyon. A couple quick turns uphill and 3ish miles later... Charmlee is on the left.
Okay, okay, the coast is crowded with pediatrists in their convertible red penis metaphors. So from the 101 take Kanan Dune to the coast. It'll be a while but it's fun to count the failed housing developments as you go. When you pass TroutDale (ever bought a $24 trout?... uncooked?) get ready to turn right on Encinal Canyon. You'll get to pass the Malibu Country Club and that will remind you to hate OJ Simpson. When you start smelling the ocean keep looking to your right - seriously - Charmlee sneaks up on you. You could miss it, and it is worth pulling a U-ey to get to.
HIKING DIRETIONS:
You really can't go wrong here. When you see the Malibu City Authorized Information and Congratulations Kiosk, grab a map. You can stroll all over the place. Honestly, most people are here for a stroll, not a hike. Oh, you can get a hike going, but be prepared for strollers... (yes, there will literally be ones with babies in them.) So hike around, bring a nosh, binoculars are a good idea, and then go home and put some new photos on your facebook.
THE STORY:
During the 2nd Punic War, this place was already fantastic. If Hannibal knew this place was here, he would never have wasted all that effort with the mountains and the elephants and all that Mediterranean bullshit. Charmlee Wilderness Park would have saved thousands of Italian lives if only people had Google Maps back then.
DRIVING DIRETIONS:
Hey, make it a day. Come up the coast on PCH and pass through The City of Malibu (even though I'm not sure where the 'city' part is) pass Kanan Dune Road and Zuma Beach and turn right on Encinal Canyon. A couple quick turns uphill and 3ish miles later... Charmlee is on the left.
Okay, okay, the coast is crowded with pediatrists in their convertible red penis metaphors. So from the 101 take Kanan Dune to the coast. It'll be a while but it's fun to count the failed housing developments as you go. When you pass TroutDale (ever bought a $24 trout?... uncooked?) get ready to turn right on Encinal Canyon. You'll get to pass the Malibu Country Club and that will remind you to hate OJ Simpson. When you start smelling the ocean keep looking to your right - seriously - Charmlee sneaks up on you. You could miss it, and it is worth pulling a U-ey to get to.
HIKING DIRETIONS:
You really can't go wrong here. When you see the Malibu City Authorized Information and Congratulations Kiosk, grab a map. You can stroll all over the place. Honestly, most people are here for a stroll, not a hike. Oh, you can get a hike going, but be prepared for strollers... (yes, there will literally be ones with babies in them.) So hike around, bring a nosh, binoculars are a good idea, and then go home and put some new photos on your facebook.
THE STORY:
During the 2nd Punic War, this place was already fantastic. If Hannibal knew this place was here, he would never have wasted all that effort with the mountains and the elephants and all that Mediterranean bullshit. Charmlee Wilderness Park would have saved thousands of Italian lives if only people had Google Maps back then.