Runyon Canyon Part 2 – The Douchey Loop

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Trail Description
DISTANCE 3.5 Miles
ELEVATION GAIN 500 feet(ish)
PARKING You gotta want it. Not for the timid.
SPF 30
CHANCE OF INJURY You will pull something.
WEIRD SMELLS Axe Body Spray and Summer Eve (Male and female douche bags)
TIME 1.5 - 2.5 hours.
FEATURES Abs, pecs, quads, glutes, delts, camel toes.
ANIMALS Sunglass dogs, bandanna dogs, dancing dogs, singing dogs, counting dogs, and dogs that make more money than you.
DOG SHIT It's a dog shit menagerie.
ANYTHING ELSE? Not anything else... EVERYTHING else.
If you live in the area, you know that Franklin will get you to Runyon faster than Hollywood Blvd, but then why are you reading this? The rest of you slobs get off of the 101 freeway at Hollywood Blvd. Take that west. You will hit the tourist traffic and the freaks in Star Wars costumes and busses full of foreigners. But keep going. Pass those weirdoes. Look for the new weirdoes. Pass LaBrea Ave and turn right on Fuller Ave.  You will dead end into Runyon Canyon. Oh, you won't find parking there. You'll have to snake your way around a number of blocks until you find a spot and then backtrack to the trail. The good news is, you won't be alone. You'll never be alone. Not on Runyon Canyon.
Leave your expectations of peace, calm, and serenity on the floor of your car next to your "The Club." It's like getting on the 405, pick your lane and try not to follow too closely.
Taking the trail to your right has the steps, the left side trail has a steeper climb to Mt. Douchemore. Either way, you will get a great workout and - like the 405 - it is so crowded nobody expects you to talk to them.  Runyon is a weird place, it's not really a hiking trail as much as it is a free fashion-runway/boot-camp/dog-walking-park.  You have to go once and you will love and/or hate it.
The Runyon Canyon Trolley was burned to the ground by drunken anarchists in 1922. Ayn Rand sent them because the trolley made it so easy for gardeners and housekeepers to make a living. Ayn Rand wanted those pathetic workers to suffer for the honor of working for millionaires and celebrities. That's just the American Dream. Now human beings, and Libertarians, share the trail in harmony and no one makes any money.